A Letter to my Mommy

4a2aebd2-c295-4720-926e-46f2d6a89cddHi Mama, 

Your birthday just past and on that day I was being discharged to bring home your first grandchild. I want you to know that she’s healthy, strong and came into this world in a room filled with love and excitement.

I want you to know that I missed you at our wedding, that the man I’ve chosen to spend my life with is kind, thoughtful and try’s harder than anyone to be the best husband and father ever. That he’s held me through every challenge and has always given me hope for the future. He is already the most attentive and amazing father anyone could ever hope for, I trust and believe in him always and I am grateful my daughter can call him Daddy. 

It’s been two weeks now and the more I look at her the more I see your face. I have thoughts of being small and knowing your smell and the safety of your arms. With every cry, I think of how it once was you who held me close and poured every ounce of love you didn’t know you had into making sure that my needs were met. 

Every smelly diaper, every spit up, bath time, bed time, snuggle or moment spent not having any clue what to do next, I wish I could ask a million questions I never considered until now. 

How did you feel when you brought me into this world? Who was there to hold you and help you? When did you fully embrace the term “mother” as something that described you? Where were you when you found out you were pregnant? Why did you want to be my mom? 

I wish I would have thought of some of these things before it was too late to ask. I wish you knew the man I fell in love with who’s now made me a mommy.  I wish that I could call you late at night or hear you tell me I’m doing the right thing.

I know in my heart your spirit is with us, it appears in the nurses who cared for us, the friends and family who’ve contributed their time, energy, gifts, thoughts, prayers and love. I see you in my daughters face even though she looks the most like her daddy. 

In writing this message and sending it into the world, it is my hope that you will know the love we have and loss we feel without you here. 

I am forever grateful to be your daughter and I especially miss you now more than ever… 

Happy Birthday and Congratulations on becoming a Grandma. ❤️❤️